When I first started working at The Phoenix in Exeter there was a guy there called Richard and we got on like a house on fire straight away. There was always something between us, we just clicked, and maybe things may have developed romantically between us but someone else got in there first!! He left the Phoenix, got a new job and got married. We kept in touch on and off. Then when I left the Phoenix he made it to my leaving do (which was quite a feat as he lives in Dorset and doesn't drive). It was great to catch up and I found out that his wife had left him. From then on we kept in touch more often and he came and stayed with me in Exeter for a couple of days. Then when I moved back to Kent we still kept in touch. We were planning to spend some time together at the end of Feb but it hinged on him letting me know when he had his annual leave booked which he didn't!! I sent a text reminding him to have a look and he didn't. That was the 21st Jan. On 31st Jan I sent a text saying that if he couldn't be bothered then neither could I! Now normally I would say fair enough, end of, but Richard has some mental health issues. I've never pressed him for details about it so I don't have any definitive knowledge of what he has but think it is depression of some sort and he has a periods where he has a really rough time.
So now I'm thinking to myself is that what has happened? Is he having a really tough time, and should I as his friend be making more effort? Or is he really just a shallow waste of time? Am I callous for being mad at him? Do I give him one last chance?
Why is it all so complicated?
Good question - why IS it all so complicated? I suppose that if there were never any complications in life we would never have to think about things and would end up being terribly bored! But it is frustrating when the things we want to go smoothly end up turning into a huge complicated mess. It's so very often the way!
ReplyDeleteThe situation with Richard is a good example. You have been left wondering why he didn't organise his visit and then why he didn't get back to you. It sounds like you would like to keep in touch with him and would be sorry to lose him as a friend so maybe you should make a move to put things right.
How about a nice cheery email apologising for if you were a bit short last time you contacted him? You could explain that it was because you were excited about him coming to stay and were frustrated that he didn't seem to share this enthusiasm. It's always diffcult to put right a situation like this but I think this approach might be a way to put your friendship back on the right track.
If he is feeling depressed then a bright and happy email from you might be just the tonic he needs. He won't make the first move if he is down as he will not feel up to it. He would fear being rebuffed and so would be more likely to keep himself hidden away than be brave and make contact with you. So it's up to you to contact him if you choose to.
Good luck - and let us know how you get on! x
C gives good advise. I've lost faith in men and friendships and think most of them are useless aresholes, so I really shouldnt comment on this one!
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